A New Season Starts Today
First of all, it’s been a minute, and I don’t like that!!!
It is currently 10:10pm and I can’t sleep. If you know me, then you know I struggle with insomnia but tonight I can’t sleep because I’m still processing all that was downloaded in me today at the A Time for Her experience. Yes, it was an experience, not a conference.
To be in a room full of women with good vibes just felt GOODT! Each woman I met greeted me with a smile and it just felt amazing to be in a safe space to talk, to laugh, and to even cry. Let me just tell y’all, God was there today and I’m certain He spoke to each woman present, myself included. Before I got out of my car I told God that whatever it is He had to say to me, I was ready and willing to hear it. Sometimes we don’t want to hear about ourselves but sometimes that is exactly what we need!
Here are just a few things of what’s on my heart tonight….
I’ve been giving my time and energy to things God didn’t tell me to do. Making it plain, the one thing I know for certain that God has called me to do is write, meanwhile I haven’t been writing consistently!! Yes, I’m preparing to release another book but I actually wrote this book during the pandemic in 2020. Let’s just say I felt called out for not being obedient to what God has specifically told me to do. I’ve been spreading myself thin creatively and financially to do things the way I want to do it and when I want to do it, leaving very little room for God to use me in the way that I believe He wants to. The truth is, I’m good at many different things (and I am grateful for it all) but when God tells us to do something, we need to do it. Ain’t no telling what could be if I was dedicated to that one thing God has called me to do. All I can say is, “Lord I hear you!” I hear Him loud and clear. Writing isn’t a hobby, it is my purpose, and it’s time I treated it as such.
In the last two years I’ve experienced a good bit of hurt and disappointment from people in my life. And while I’ve been on the receiving end of unmet expectations I acknowledge that there are some folks who may feel the same way as I do. This all makes me think about the grace of God. I acknowledge there are people in my life that I didn’t give grace to because I expected better from them and then there are those I gave grace to because they’ve consistently let me down in some way throughout my life. I’m reminded that God’s love and grace is not conditional and if it were, I’d without a doubt have a first class ticket to hell. Just being real. And so now I’ve got to do the work. I’ve got to unpack my hurt. I’ve got to examine my own heart so that I can heal and release it once and for all. Challenge accepted. It won’t be easy and it won’t happen overnight but the work starts now….
I’ve talked many times about struggling with self doubt. News flash, I still struggle with it! Self doubt is usually coupled with things like worry and feeling overwhelmed. I experience all the above on a regular basis and today, I declare NO MORE. There is no quick fix to this. As a person who loves and believes in God with all their heart, I think it’s time that I truly and intentionally address, unpack, and release mindsets that don’t serve me well. Sure, I’ve done things scared but my truth is that I’ve never gone full force in my writing or even as a creative because there is always something in the back of my mind telling me that I’m missing something. I don’t quite know what that something is but what I do know that in Christ, I can do all things and now I’ve got to find my way so that I can LIVE like I can do all things.
Today marks the last quarter of 2022 and it also marks the first day of the rest of my life. I literally am circling this date on my calendar because it signifies the decision to heal and to make myself truly available to God. I’m taking each lesson and reminder and encouragement I received today and my hope is that I will better for it.
I leave you with this, no matter how far we drift from God, He still love us. No matter what life looks like, it can get better. No matter what hurts live in our hearts, we can overcome it. No matter how hard life gets, God is always with us. I encourage you as I encourage myself to seek God through all things. Not for IG, in real life! Why do I say that? Because it’s not enough to post about Him. It’s enough to casually talk about God in passing. I truly believe God is not impressed by likes, comments, and shares but what our relationship looks like with Him when no one is looking. Let’s stop going to people (especially folks who aren’t wise) and let’s start going to God. Let’s do the work, whatever that may look like. It won’t always be easy or convenient and it will likely cost us something (or maybe someone) but it will always be worth it to seek God.
May joy fill us when life gets hard. May we always find our way back to God. May we hear His voice (again).
- Krys
