Chapter 38 Birthday Reflections
As I’m writing this blog post I am sitting in a coffee shop I discovered a few weeks ago. The simplicity of sitting in a coffee shop writing and maybe even day dreaming a bit perfectly describes what life looks for me these days. I feel free. Free of the stress that took over my life in 2021. I feel free from mindsets that have crippled me most of my life from showing up for myself. My eyes are now open (thanks to therapy) to disappointments that I now know I need to release. I’m not quite there yet but to acknowledge the things that have been weighing me down for far too long is progress and so it’s worth celebrating. And speaking of celebrating, just two days ago I celebrated my 38th birthday…
If you’re like me then birthdays are a time to reflect on where I”m at and where I want to go in life. I can tell you with so much certainty that I want all the things money can’t buy. I want peace and joy and hope. I want to live. I want to evolve. I want to take better care of myself. And while it may seem very cliche to say, I want more of God in my life.
Year 37 taught me that life has a way of distracting us from who God is, if we let it. I’ve had seasons in my life where I wondered if God was truly hearing my prayers. I legit was like, “God I know you see what’s going on here so what’s up?” (True story). There have been times in my life when I got so frustrated with waiting for God that I turned to food and friends and things that only brought me temporary satisfaction because I just wanted to feel better for a time. And when it was all said and done, God always reaffirmed that He is God, He is good, and He is in control.
I want to live with that reassurance every single day and while I’ll never be a perfect daughter or friend or Christian (that doesn’t exist y'all), I want to move through life with self awareness and a whole lot of resilience. The way I see it, God’s love for us gives us all the permission we need to try again and again and again. So entering into a new year of life, I am committed to doing just that, trying again and again and again.
In full transparency, I’ve got some very specific things I want to intentionally work on for the next year. For one, I need to find a better balance, whatever that may look like. I’ve got so many things going on that my writing sometimes gets the short end of the stick. I’m not having that anymore. On another front, sis has to put down the cookies and candy and cake! It’s not about being a certain size but really just being healthy. I’m not feeling too comfortable in my own skin these days cause I’ve been putting all the wrong things in my body. There was a time when working out and eating right was a part of my daily routine. I don’t know where that person went but she needs to make a comeback, okay?! I am also praying for clarity on what I need to continue pursuing and what I need to lay to rest. There are so many things I want to accomplish in life but I can’t do it all and I can’t do it all simultaneously, so for now I am walking away from certain things, which is really hard to do, until I get that confirmation.
All in all your girl is a work in progress just trying to figure things out. I’m grateful for all God has done in my life and everything He is currently doing. I’m grateful for the support I’ve received from so many people online whom I’ve never met that encourage me to keep going. I’m grateful for life and all the good and beautiful things happening not just for me but the people around me.
Cheers to 38, new beginnings, releasing the past, and embracing the future.
K R Y S T L E
