an open letter to single women
Dear Single Women,
It’s that time of year when love is in the air and expressions of affection are up and down our timelines.
As single women (i.e. not married) we do not all share the same vision for our lives. I get it. So, I want to speak specifically to those women who feel left out, not seen, and, or wondering when their turn will be up to experience love and all that comes with it.
This letter is for that single woman who doesn’t see love in their reach on today but hopes for it and maybe even prays for it….
I thought about writing this letter for two reasons. 1) I get really frustrated when people approach single women from a place of pity whether consciously or subconsciously. 2) I believe with all my heart that singleness is not something we need to “overcome” but rather a season in life that lasts longer for some than others….
I’m not quite sure who created this rule that if you don’t find love by a certain age that it isn’t possible but what I know for a fact is that it is not biblical. Even so, the pressure of time passing us by can often times be a distraction to what God wants to do in our lives here and now. The unsolicited opinions and questions from people about when love will finally come knocking at our door can be disheartening. The dating advice laced with a bit of shaming can sometimes speak louder than any scripture or sermon that tells us to be patient, to be hopeful, and to trust God’s plans for our lives.
The thing is, this world can often times send us a message that we are behind the curve, missing out, or that our time is up. The internet can be this black hole of comparison that leaves some wanting what others have when in all actuality highlights of someone else’s life is not something we should ever hope for.
Culture says that “having it all” looks one way when the fact is that we were not all created to live the same lives and have the same things at the exact same time. The pressure of it all can push someone rush to the next season as fast as they can instead of finding contentment in the season they are in.
On the contrary I don’t believe singleness is a problem that needs to be solved. It’s not a mark of unworthiness nor is marriage a sign that life is perfect.
Yet still, this world pushes this narrative that it’s now or never when God’s word calls for us to trust that His plans are good and perfect.
My truth is that am no expert at relationships. In my late teenage years and throughout my twenties I reached for all the wrong guys. I spent most of my thirties with my head down focused on “getting myself together” and through that process I discovered who I am and just how deep God’s love is. Sure I don’t have it all figured out but I’ve learned some valuable lessons along the way.
I discovered that God can heal broken hearts.
God can restore parts of us that were once left feeling rejected and not good enough.
God can transform how we see ourselves in the best way possible.
I’ve also come to know and understand that the concept of time is such a precious thing and while I cannot get the time back spent giving my heart to all the wrong things and people, I can decide how I use my time in this season, which brings me to the real message I want to share in this letter.
From one single woman to another, how we use this time in our lives is so crucial to who we become, what we accept, and how we give and receive love.
Simply put, I want to encourage you not to use this time comparing yourselves or dating from a place of trying to catch up with others. I want to encourage you as I encourage myself to not let this time pass us by but instead embrace it, knowing full well that whatever our next season may look like will require new things of us.
I’m here to give you a gentle nudge to not focus on what you don’t have but lean into all the good and beautiful things God is doing in your life today. To live with intention. To not rush into things but yet don’t let life pass you by. I want you to approach life from a place of confidence, knowing that you are so loved and favored and seen by God today.
I want to encourage you to embrace the season you are in. What does that mean? Dream and do and live and go as far as your imagination can take you. Be so connected to God that His desires for your life become the desires of your heart. I want to encourage you to be open to God’s best, whatever that may look like.
I pray that we as single women would not rush to quiet those around us. I pray that we would not let our hearts be influenced by people and their opinions. My hope is that we would choose contentment over comparison and reach for Christ instead of culture. That we would not settle for what is convenient but trust that God’s best for each of us is just that. I pray that we would own the desires of our hearts, even if it doesn’t fit the expectations of this world. I pray that God would give us wisdom as single women to know who and what is good for our souls.
So I ask you, how will you use your time in this season? Will you allow culture to shape your perspective on singleness or allow God the room and space to speak to your heart during this season?
May every single woman that is reading this letter come to know that we are whole now and not later. May we individually come to know, experience, and crave God’s love and presence as we move through life. May we seek God to fill every void that may live in our hearts. And when it comes to dating may we remember who we are and whose we are while we grow and evolve along the way.
And if/when doubt, impatience, or feelings of comparison sneak up on us, may we remember to check our hearts, our perspective and our faith. May this time in our lives be filled with so much joy and hope and peace that it confuses the world and positions us for God’s best.
With love,
Krys
